Your opinion on my personal situation?

[KhainiWest]

This is a little more personal thread than I'm usual posting, and I'll probably be judged, more so than usual.

Anyway, so my best friend of like 10 years got deleted by this girl, we'll call her J, who we've been known for like 4-5 years. It's online while our friendship is real life. I caused the deletion of them both and it's bothering me. It wasn't intentional but well let me give you the background.

J is someone I met on MS, and was very to herself. I mean we talked on skype, msn, what have you. We were good friends and everything, but holding a conversation with her was neigh impossible. Her responses would be 1-2 words, very apathetic, on skype very sarcastic, kind of the same deal. We had a fall out because of someone she online dated. He was another friend of mine, who actually was helping me rebuild my account when I got scammed. Little did I know he was using my account as a pimp system. I liked J as like a best friend, and when I logged in to find out he was essentially playing 8 girls (litterally) we all had a fall out. She stupidly mind you, stuck with him. My best friend still spoke with her throughout it, kind of replaced me at that time. Then she vanished off the face of the Earth, she found out that her "bf" was lieing about a lot of sh`it including his age. They broke up, we started talking again.

Phase 2.

We've been talking, all 3 of us, when all of a sudden she tells my best friend she's at some orphanage home thing. i don't know the whole story, J was always two faced and not very honest about things, but her mom had some type of bed ridden cancer, and all she did was sleep all day or something. J got spiteful about it, how lazy she always been and tried to feed her some detergent that resulted in her stomach being pumped. I know the poison part is true as she was sent to a home, internet completely stripped. Her mom eventually passes and shes back in the house with her father's permission. She goes to college gets a boyfriend (ironically with a possessive mother). We both live our lives separately, my best friend and her still close.

Phase 3.

My best friend goes to prison for a stupid mall jacking that was supposed to be an april fools prank. His ex friend John, who I have always hated, essentially had a vendetta with one of the mall security and beat the pomegranate out of him. Then he had plans to steal ATM machines with a crowbar (later found after leaving prison, as the pants my friend was supposed to wear had blueprints with all of them in it, to set him up). I spoke with J again because of the incident, and we were the 3 musketeers again.

Phase 4.

A month passes and once again her two face attitude shows, I'm talking to her via text and she says "why do even talk to me, stop bothering me". Not even yesterday we were talking. So I said fine, and deleted her. That was Feb of last year. She texted me happy thanksgiving, no apology or anything for ignoring me for 6 months with no warning what so ever. I told her not to text me anymore unless it's an apology. She just said "Wow ok". Then I didn't hear from her until yesterday.

Burning bridges, with inferno nuclear arms.

She's talking to my best friend while I'm on skype with him, him telling me that J is drunk right now and I receive a call from a blocked number. I have two friends who call me on blocked numbers sometimes cus they are using their friends phones. I answer to some slurred chick who claims to be "Amelia" and my ex shotty girl. I immediately recognize the accent and knew it was one of J's friends. I confront her immediately with a cold stern voice of why one of J's friends is calling me. She then starts telling me how I shouldn't be rude to strangers, trying to intimidate me by using my name and even alias I used at the time. At this point I'm pissed, she gave her friend my number to strike some type of conversation later, of course trying to avoid apologizing to me for being an utter b`itch.

At this point I explain to her friend I dislike her, she's two faced, bipolar and so dependent on people feeding her self pity that I want nothing to do with her or her friend(I used "you" in that context). The moment I said that, this peach starts reading me the riot act of how J's is revered by her peers, how I'm worthless, followed by clearly constructed lies of me cursing her out and harassing her randomly. (Yes I know I seem like that type of guy but I managed zero contact with her for nearly a year). Going on about how I "pushed" her away. I'm assuming she met how I told her to f`uck off at thanksgiving. She continues to go on about how her boyfriend even has nothing but good things to say and they've been best friends for like 3 years.

I dropped it. I dropped it so hard that the girl went speechless. I went on about saying how I've known the girl for 5 years, I understand the intention of the call, but I don't think you do. I explained how she uses her friends, who she frequently talks smack about, such as this one "stinky mexican" (ironically was her I was on the phone about) to rebuild relationships. Now before I continue, at this point, what's rolling through my head is "how do I burn this bridge for good" and this happened;

Do you know why J was sent to the home, orphanage whatever?

Cus her mom was sick duh...?

At this point it was an answer lacking confidence. She heard I knew her longer, how she referred to one of her friends as the stinky mexican, (which was her, although she thought I didn't know that), and the alcohol was making her emotional. I hit hard and home with this.

Haha, no, don't you think it's a little odd they'd take a child from their parents over a sick relative? She wasn't contagious she had cancer. In fact they'd want her there to support her. The truth is, she tried to poison her and kill her mother. You really think J is kind? She even backstabs your social structure by backtalking all of you. All of her conversations end with her grabbing for pity from you, she lies and throws you under the bus for that attention.

ah...uh....J can you come here for a sec..

See ya around princess, -click-

It was a low blow, the lowest I've ever delt on a person. I attempted a double whammy to destroy her so called best friendship and have her real life friend understand the truth about her illegitimate story. The only repercussion I unfortunately saw was her disowning me for good. That part worked, it's the whole disowning my best friend part that caught me off guard. J and him have always been close, he's frustrated because I went too far, I mean he's not mad at me to the fullest extent, just dissapointed in me is the best way to put it. He doesn't really care so much that J deleted him, that was he irrational choice, and she can amend it on her own time, it's the fact I could have avoided the whole thing. But the thing is I didn't, that festering want to finally disown her, I couldn't help myself

So am I an pimento or my situation somewhat understandable, I feel guilty about it, not so much for J but because his bridge was burnt as well..and it wasn't in his control at all.

[Luxeraph]

Part of me thinks your're not, part of me understood almost nothing from that back an forth narrative.

[icephoenix21]

Honestly, it seemed like quite an awkward situation overall.
I don't think you were in the wrong in doing so. You chose to burn the bridge between you and her; she chose to burn it between herself and your friend. You are not responsible for her actions. If he is indeed truly your friend, you want the best for him as well.

I don't know this girl, but from your description, she does not seem like she maintains a pleasant countenance. It sounds selfish, but there's gonna be those times in your life where it's necessary to remove things which are holding you back, and I think that this is one of those times. Everything happens for a reason, and all things work together for the greater good in the end, even if you don't see it until years later, or not at all.

[Eliseo]

Well, @icephoenix21 couldn't have said it better. You are feeling to much guilt over someone whose actions deserves the required consequences. Try to relax and think it all over.

[ShinkuDragon]

not going to lie, that was quite the read.

from what i get, you did go a bit too far, mostly because of anger, can't say you're in the wrong in any way, if she tried to poison her sick mother, then that's someone that should be hospitalized/institutionalized.

the girl on which you took it all out though, was probably like you in the beginning, with no idea of what the pineapple was going on with this girl.

[Takebacker]

not going to lie, that was quite the read.

This.

That was probably the first time i've read a (what should have been an angry dome thread) thread of this length in pretty much the entire time i've been on this forum.

You're the man, dustin. There's no way you could possibly be seen as a d'ick for this. J wouldn't have left you alone if you didn't burn that s'hit to hell and back. Whether or not what you said to her "friend" was too far, you saved that girl from associating with someone she had no idea about.

[KhainiWest]

not going to lie, that was quite the read.

from what i get, you did go a bit too far, mostly because of anger, can't say you're in the wrong in any way, if she tried to poison her sick mother, then that's someone that should be hospitalized/institutionalized.

the girl on which you took it all out though, was probably like you in the beginning, with no idea of what the pineapple was going on with this girl.

I said nothing offensive to her or about the friend. She was offended I mentioned her mother and what type of person she is. But i did make it clear she was a puppet and I guess that mind fked her.

[ShinkuDragon]

I said nothing offensive to her or about the friend. She was offended I mentioned her mother and what type of person she is. But i did make it clear she was a puppet and I guess that mind fked her.

that's what i meant, you took it out on the wrong person pretty much.

if anything i'd call this one of those "harsh truths" that people really dislike to listen.

edit: agreeing with takebacker btw, you might have gone a bit too far, but with a girl like that (your exfriend) it was the best you could have done to the one in the phone.

[KhainiWest]

Yeah pretty much, J refused to talk to me after november, and I have made plenty of assertions to tell her to stop and delete my number. She never deleted it, and got her friend to be the icebreaker. She knew my name, my alias and where I lived. It was purely antagonistic. But yeah thanks steve that makes me feel a lot better lol

[Sarah]

Why don't you make some friends who aren't pineappleing sociopaths, Dustin?

Actually, just finished reading and you're pretty guilty yourself. Stop being so damn dramatic. If someone in your life is being pomegranatety then IGNORE THEM.

[Foxino]

"J" sounds like a super extremist version of me...

You handled it as well as you possibly could. Just keep people like that out of your life, They're poison and will only drag you down.. :/
(explains why I'm such a loner)

[KhainiWest]

Why don't you make some friends who aren't pineappleing sociopaths, Dustin?

Actually, just finished reading and you're pretty guilty yourself. Stop being so damn dramatic. If someone in your life is being pomegranatety then IGNORE THEM.

I've deleted most of them . Yeah that's why my friend was mad at me. I don't regret it though, haven't heard from her yet . Turns out she didnt delete him on skype just on FB. Odd if you ask me.

"J" sounds like a super extremist version of me...

You handled it as well as you possibly could. Just keep people like that out of your life, They're poison and will only drag you down.. :/
(explains why I'm such a loner)

I could see you as a general person looking for that type of attention, but being that malicious? I don't see it.

[Foxino]

I could see you as a general person looking for that type of attention, but being that malicious? I don't see it.

That's why i said super extremist.

[Sardines]

What you did wasn't the most noble course of action by divulging private information, however she asked for it when she got careless and had others intervene on her behalf. Also why would you want someone you still consider to be a friend to be left with someone who you claim is as questionable and two faced as her?

She made a mistake and got caught tripped up having two people she bad mouthed to become aware of their plight. By all rights she opened herself to be exposed and you acted in the most sensible manner which was to divulge information with the party that was contacting you.

If she was going to harass you, then she should have done it herself. The fact that she decided to use a proxy backfired on her. At the point when you decided to share information, you came down to the dilemma of choosing to tell your story or a tailored story.

If you did choose to be cordial, then you risked being a borderline cherry picker and withholding information from the other party. You predicted that by being honest, she would cut off communication with you. However you couldn't predict that she would also cut off talk with your friend in the process. Your intent wasn't to hurt anyone, but to just act in your own self interest by cutting off the relationship and stopping subsequent conflict. Whether your means to that end was the best maneuver can be debated ad infinitum in retrospect. However you shouldn't feel bad since your intent wasn't gravitated towards maliciousness, but more towards self-liberation.