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  1. Default "Breaks" in a relationship?

    SO. What's everyone's opinions on taking 'breaks' in a relationship? e.g., no contact or anything.

    I told myself I would never attempt such a thing, but it's happening. And it SUCKS. I randomly got the "We need to talk." text this week. Go up to the boyfriends, and he tells me that we need to talk about us. We've been in a happy relationship just about 6 months now. We've had close to little problems. If we have issues, we raise them with each other. But apparently this issue festered in his mind for nearly 2 months and he didn't bring it up to me. I noticed something was wrong, and he didn't tell me. Then he invited me to VEgas with his family, and we were fine for a few weeks. Until now.

    Basically, his whole reasoning to break up/take a break/whatever you wanna call it is that he 'Has a gut feeling he has to be single right now'. So, anyways. After meeting ith him this last week, I convinced him to at least talk to me once more when I collect my thoughts, so we decided upon Saturday (this afternoon).

    So today I went to go see him...and just. I was ready for the worst. I didn't want to get my hopes up too high, because that sucks. So we talked for a good two hours. He still had no other reasoning other than a 'gut feeling'. He explained it like a math problem... "I want to learn and grow on my own, like a math problem. If I do it with someone else, I don't learn as much." Valid reasoning, good point...But still, I think it's completely drastic that he would want to break up over a gut feeling when we've been fine....

    SO. Then at one point he said "I only view you as my best friend. I don't feel anything towards you right now." I didn't really feel anything towards him, either, because well, I've been freaking out about this for DAYS. So my emotions were absent, too. And I tried to explain that to him but he wasn't getting it.

    Anyways, so. We got over the "Maybe it's stress because of your finals coming up and graduation and all this other stuff." And then he finally said, "Well, maybe. Lets just...lets just take two weeks of no contact, no anything...and see how I feel then. Maybe once the finals have all come and gone, we'll be fine." SO. Here I am, waiting for two weeks to go by...and just...I don't know what I should feel.

    TL;DR: Boyfriend wants to take 2 weeks of no-contact to see how his mind sorts through what it needs to. What are people's opinions and experiences on breaks in a relationship? We haven't 'broken up', but we're not seeing each other for 2 weeks.

  2. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I've never been in a relationship that has gone into no contact at all (occasional texts etc) but my ex and I took a break for 2/3 weeks after an argument. It didn't change anything obviously and we broke up about 2 weeks after. I'm of the opinion that running away from problems is not a good way to solve them.

    Yeah... I hate to say it but that is almost certainly not going to change in a couple of weeks.
    Also pretty harsh wording, I have feelings for my best friends, not romantic ones, but certainly more than 'not anything'.

  3. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    Immediate reaction:

    He's got you waiting for two weeks to see if he is ready to be with you and if he is wanting to be with you while you're already certain you want to be with him. He's got you on a leash, he knows it, and he shouldn't. I'm the kind of person that doesn't like that power being held over my head and put in a waiting situation, so I'd be done. After two weeks if he still wants to be with you I'd be cautious, something just doesn't smell right over a "gut feeling."

    To be honest, I'd burn that bridge if after 6 months he's not certain and says he "doesn't feel anything." Six months isn't necessarily anything, but it should be enough to time figure out if he feels something.

  4. I post a lot Bi Male
    IGN: ZesseiBijin
    Server: Khaini
    Level: 204
    Job: Kanna
    Guild: NEST
    Farm: Razmosia

    Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I'm not sure about the idea to be honest. It just seems like an excuse to sleep around with other people from what I've seen. If someone is not happy in a relationship they should talk about it, not just go off doing god-knows what.

    I see it all the time on Jerry Springer-like tv shows.
    "You cheated on me!"
    "No, we were on a break"

    It's like seriously, what. you are either in a relationship or not, a break just seems like a convenient "in-between" where they can do whatever the hell they want and then come back to you at the end of it.

    Not necessarily saying that's what your boyfriend would do, I just don't trust the idea. If someone has to take time away to think whether they want to be with me, I'd damn well be thinking the same thing about them.

    Also, of course:

  5. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    Take the two weeks, don't fret over it and see what happens. Don't take it as breaking up, it might be nice to have a break after constant exposure to each other to really figure things out then if you do end up breaking up it won't sting as bad because you've both had time to think.

  6. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    He's not really the one to sleep around, considering that well, he doesn't do that. Nor do I. My immediate reaction should be just to...just no. But I love him far too much. I don't want to get my hopes up, I really do want it to work, I do; but if his heart isn't in it then there's not anything he can really do about it. I can see this two weeks as going a few different ways; either he'll come to his senses and realizes that he misses me, or I'll come to my senses and break up with him. Part of me wants to wait the full two weeks, but the other part wants to see what happens in a week. I'm sure his family will ask him questions. He said he would combat that with "He's working a lot", but...Still. I dunno.

    I want to just consider this over and done with. I want to just start the band-aid process now. Just, get it all over with. If I consider us broken up already, and he doesn't want to break up in two weeks, that'll be good, but then MY heart won't be in it...

    And in other news, I'm finding it incredibly hard to pass the time. What do people normally do on a Saturday night? Hopefully my intense work schedule next week and the week after will keep me occupied. :/ And apparently it isn't a complete "no communication" break. It's a "play by ear". Aka we can text each other whenever we want. I don't think I'll initiate anything, though. As much as it'll kill me, I'll let him do the texting first. And if I get stupid one word texts, I just won't text him back. Just. Ugh. We were fine just a week ago...I still am failing to understand what happened. :/

  7. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I'm currently going through this with my 3 year old relationship, and it's killing me. I can sympathize with you, your specifics may differ. Mine is simply reevaluating life and not sure if she suddenly friendzoned me at some point. I haven't had a real conversation with her since march. I have no advice, I'm honestly plum out of idea's myself. My best advice is let it ride, I did the opposite and made it worse because I was so in the dark about it. You let something that claims to love you go, they'll prove it by coming back. That's the position I'm in right now.

  8. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I don't see any problem with "breaks" in a relationship as long as it's a good amount of time but two weeks seems short. If this sudden change was a communication issue, that's a pretty big red flag.

    I've always believed that taking breaks entitled no communicating because I personally hate ping ponging between "Are we gonna get back together?" and "What the hell are we doing?" so I spare myself the heartache by burning my bridges. If I rebuild it later, fine but until then, I don't have time for that s'hit.

    Find a hobby. Watch something funny. Just don't relapse into excessive negativity.

  9. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    Others have already posted what I think about it and I don't want to repeat.
    So I'll try and help with this :) Do you like gaming? Other than MS? Try new games... that's usually time/thought consuming because if it's entertaining you'll start looking for info and stuff to learn more.
    If you play an instrument that can be relaxing. If you don't you could just draw... everyone can draw, it's relaxing and fun.
    Reading is something I can't do when I have other things in my mind, but if you think you can focus read a book. It might make you sleepy which is great for spending time too.
    Hobbies in general, like Mandalay said, are great.

    Oh and I forgot the best: sports! They make you feel great, they are time consuming and entertaining, they help with appetite and sleeping.

  10. I post a lot Bi Male
    IGN: ZesseiBijin
    Server: Khaini
    Level: 204
    Job: Kanna
    Guild: NEST
    Farm: Razmosia

    Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    You will hate me for this.

    Think of a TV show, a book, a game, a movie. something like that.
    Now go on TVtropes and search it up.

    We'll see you next week.

  11. Donator Straight Female
    IGN: icephoenix21
    Server: Scania
    Level: 212
    Job: Bishop
    Guild: DremithCross
    Alliance: Evolution
    Farm: IcePhoenix

    Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    Not a fan of it.

    As stated above, with someone that went through it, I don't really see how two weeks will change it.

    When I was breaking up with my last ex, he was begging for us to just take a break. My feelings had already changed, they weren't going to change back magically within two weeks.

    Not saying that is true with all relationships, but that's just my two cents about it.

  12. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    A gut feeling that he has to be single right away? To be blunt, that sounds like he's telling it like it is: For him to be able to say 'single' just like that when you've been together for six months sounds to me like he's not into the relationship any more not that the other lines help much in arguing the opposite.

    I think breaks depend on the context and the relationship type since it seems like the kind of thing overly-smothering couples might need to restore their social life with others while that's a signal for jumping ship for most other couples. It's one thing to wilfully enforce a break and quite another to effectively do one because there's things that demand your attention, I doubt most people like being told that they're being put on ice so long as they have some kind of positive feelings about you and like you for something other than an earpiece for them to wail to.

  13. ☮♫♥ Gay Male
    IGN: FrozNlite
    Server: Khaini
    Level: 200
    Job: F/P ArchMage
    Guild: Brazzers
    Alliance: Heroes

    Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    Okay some of this is more/different than what you've told me already. As such:

    If you want to "just consider this over and done with," then I think you should end things sooner rather than later. I don't think finalizing a break on the eve of his APs is the best timing, so if possible wait a week (also to see if your moods change?), but ultimately if you have even one day where you're collapsing from the pain and emotion, unable to go through the usual movements of the day, then stop torturing yourself, call him up, and tell him it's over. Like Tay said, you shouldn't have to go through this pain - no one should make you feel this way.

    Most importantly, stop trying to understand what happened. That was the biggest mistake I made during the first few weeks of my healing process. Sometimes people just fall to of love or move on emotionally, and it's not because of you, nor is there anything you can do about it. That's not to say people can't rekindle an old flame later by putting in the effort, but those kinds of situations usually only arise in older couples and/or those who have been together for a long time, who work at things because of something like, say, a child between them. Being young kids yourselves who have only been dating for 6 months, I wouldn't try so hard if one is so set on a "gut feeling."

  14. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    If he means that much to you, I would just give him the time and trust him, since he requested that time. You have nothing to loose except maybe a little bit of pride and the time you will waste thinking about him (but you said you'd be busy). I think that if this relationship is something you'll fight for and you believe he will also do that for you, you need to jump over your pride and do it. Relationships are hard work, but if it is the right person they are very worth the hard work. So if it doesn't end well, then that's unfortunate, but it would probably be the best for you since he wouldn't have made you happy anyway not willing to work on this. And if after two weeks, he comes back to you, then that's wonderful.

    But if you think this has no future and you want to save yourself the stress, then just break up for good.

  15. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I'm not too certain that things will, in fact, change in the next two weeks. Because, honestly, he could change his mind, but I could also change my mind. I'm still preparing for it to be a breakup. I don't want to do sooner than the two weeks though, because tests. I want to give him that courtesy, at least. He's at least acknowledged that it COULD be his tests, and that's more than I had the first day we sat down and talked.

    Also, I'm not going to lie; I wasn't going to initiate any texting, and I honestly was expecting to not hear from him for a few days. Last night I went to sleep relatively early, at 10:30. At 12:45 I woke up to my phone buzzing saying I had a text. When I looked, I had 4 texts. All from him. One at 11, "Hey". One at 11:30, "Oh, maybe you already went to bed then." One at 12, "Good night, sleep well." And one at 12:45, "Goodnight :,(".

    Now, tired Kevin makes poor decisions from time to time. I ended up texting him back, just saying "Oh, I passed out about 2 hours ago...sorry." "Oh, I didn't mean to wake you up, sorry." "You're fine, I swear. I just didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. That's the last thing I want after today." "Okay..I really am sorry to have woken you." "Can sleepy Kevin ask you a question that just popped into his head?" "Sure." "Earlier today, it was essentially mentioned that we had communication issues. Then, later it was suggested that we have little to no communication throughout these next two weeks. If there's a communication issue, I feel like we should communicate a little more than not at all. I don't know if you would agree with that or not." "Yeah, I do.." And that's how that conversation went....

    I'm trying to figure out what that could possibly all mean. I wasn't expecting to hear from him for days. But 4 texts all in the first night? I don't know what to think.

  16. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    It mean's he's seeing your logic, so I suggest you take advantage and offer to do something fun or something to get your spirits up.

  17. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    Listen to @Tay; on this one. This was my exact situation a few months ago (except for the 6 months part). This "gut feeling" has bad news all over it. 2 weeks will soon turn to 4+ weeks.

    He's trying to rationalize this, and I honestly don't like it.

  18. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I've never been on a break so I don't think I'll be much help... I've been in plenty of break ups.. I don't know if i should say this.. but two of them contained the best friend part.. sorry.

    In my opinion take it like this. "If it's meant to be.. It will be." You can't force any of his feelings to come back and dwelling on it will just make the two weeks pass so pineappleing slow.. So lastly my advice?

    Already been stated but find a long ass game, tv series, anime series or collection of movies and fill up every second you are awake with something different and good luck. I really hope things work out.

  19. Helium Atom Straight Female
    IGN: Deviatoric
    Server: El Nido
    Job: Demon Slayer
    Guild: Princess
    Alliance: Twerk

    Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    I've had my fair share of "breaks."

    When my "gut tells me I should be single right now," it's always because I've developed incredibly strong feelings for another man and I feel guilty about it. My heart has an awful tendency to stray, and if it's gotten to the point of feeling I should just be single, there's never any turning back. I've only done breaks out of pity or to humor an ex in situations like this, because I've never had intention of staying. :\

    A break can be good, though, too! It doesn't sound as applicable to this situation, since you said everything had been fine... but I've taken breaks before when, while both parties still had genuine and unwavering feelings, we just were on completely different levels and did nothing but argue, day and night. We needed some time apart to grow individually and sort our pomegranate out. It was a loooong break, but in the end it was really worth it.

  20. Default Re: "Breaks" in a relationship?

    A variant of the "I want my own space and pomegranate" happened to me. My ex went back to Taiwan and stuff. He told about that he needed space on my birthday. I kept on speaking with him because when people try to blur the lines to get the advantages I try to like redraw those lines. I asked him about a million times, "Make a clean cut decision. You're with me or you're not. There's no taking a pauses and there's no going back on things". He was still vague as pineapple but I thought that we were just friends. Then when I went to Taiwan before going to China. We met and he seduced me and pomegranate. Be really careful with men. I wouldn't accept this "I need two weeks to think this through". That means he already had doubts and who says he won't have them again.
    Be careful fellow Gay.



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