Are you happy?

I have horrible luck with cats...one is angry at the world and attacks everything. He's also strong enough that, sometimes, he beats up mid sized dogs in the neighborhood. He likes stepping on people's feet, and it feels like 50 pounds or some crap. Other cat is insane, that's the only way I can describe it. At times she just goes into a dead run and slams into the wall, nobody in the room at all. Someone walks into the room, she meows; she walks into a room with a person in it, she meows; she walks into an empty room, sometimes she still meows. Yeah, I sure do enjoy a piercing borderline screech level meow at 3AM from 2 floors down. Then we tried to get a third cat 2 times, and the current two literally drove them insane; one, we got when she was a kitten and she was perfectly normal. Within a year she was sleeping in faucets (turned on) and had the balance of a drunken man with one leg and no crutch. Middle of the night, SLAM. Every week. "She fell off the banister again, back to sleep". Second one was normal too when we got her, 6 months later she was peeing all over the house to mark territory and brawling with the insane cat multiple times a day. WHY CAN'T I JUST HAVE A NORMAL CAT. One that sits on my lap! Our first cat did that, but he died a long time ago at like 23 years old, so he lived long past his due anyway, can't blame him for that one lol.