my first pit of hell rant...

Everybody lock your doors, get a gun, protect yourself! Sicnarf is planning to belittle all fine social standards! What follows is a set of observations I have made about intrusive sciolists. He refers to a variety of things using the word "roentgenographically". Translating this bit of jargon into English isn't easy. Basically, Sicnarf's saying that anyone who disagrees with him is ultimately nasty, which we all know is patently absurd. At any rate, I find that some of his choices of words in his bromides would not have been mine. For example, I would have substituted "amoral" for "physicophysiological" and "unpatriotic" for "interchangeableness."

Well, I knew it was coming. In fact, I predicted it quite a long time ago when I said that Providence would threaten the existence of human life, perhaps all life on the planet. And now that he has, we must honestly yank up obstreperous card sharks from the dark rocks under which they hide and flaunt them before the bright sunshine of public exposure. In the text that follows, I don't intend to recount all of the damage caused by Providence's mutinous warnings but I do want to point out that if I were to compile a list of Providence's forays into espionage, sabotage, and subversion, it would fill an entire page and perhaps even run over onto the following one. Such a list would surely make every sane person who has passed the age of six realize that Providence claims to be fighting for equality. What he's really fighting for, however, is equality in degradation, by which I mean that Providence spouts the same bile in everything he writes, making only slight modifications to suit the issue at hand. The issue he's excited about this week is narcissism, which says to me that much of Providence's success is due to the rest of us bending over backwards to assist him and to overlook his failings. This is equivalent to saying that Providence is an incomprehensible psychopath. I use that label only when it's true. If you don't believe it is, then consider that if we don't remove the Providence threat now, it will bite us in our backside before you know it.

You may wonder why within a short period of time, Sicnarf will order his secret police to rob from the rich but—unlike Robin Hood—give to repulsive caitiffs. It's simply because Sicnarf deeply believes that individual worth is defined by race, ethnicity, religion, or national origin. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the truth is very simple: We can no longer afford to do nothing about Sicnarf's domineering viewpoints. Instead, we must strike while the iron is hot and shed the light of truth on the evil that is Sicnarf. I must emphasize that he demands obeisance from his worshippers. Then, once they prove their loyalty, Sicnarf forces them to cause this country to flounder on the shoals of self-interest, corruption, and chaos. His bait-and-switch tactics always follow the same pattern. He puts the desired twist on the actual facts, ignores inconvenient facts, and invents as many new "facts" as necessary to convince us that we have too much freedom.

Because of Sicnarf's eagerness to participate in riots, there's something fishy about his words. I think Sicnarf's up to something, something quixotic and perhaps even purblind. Sicnarf has so frequently lied about how he understands the difference between civilization and savagery that some weaker-minded people are starting to believe it. We need to explain to such people that it's our responsibility to denounce those who claim that Sicnarf is forward-looking, open-minded, and creative. That's the first step in trying to tell Sicnarf what we all think of him—and boy, do I have some choice words I'd like to use—and it's the only way to ring the bells of truth. Now that you've read the bulk of this letter, it should not come as a complete surprise that Sicnarf turns his back on those who have been the most loyal to him. However, this fact bears repeating again and again, until the words crack through the hardened exteriors of those who would herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses. I am referring, of course, to the likes of Sicnarf.

To Hell with Providence! His thesis is that he is a spokesman for God. That's completely tendentious, you say? Good; that means you're finally catching on. The next step is to observe that someone just showed me a memo supposedly written by Providence. The memo spells out his plans to paint pictures of fastidious worlds inhabited by the worst types of ridiculous loudmouths there are. If this memo is authentic, it tells us that prudence is no vice. Cowardice—especially Providence's gloomy form of it—is.

Because my vision is built on the future, not the past, because you don't need to look far to see that his decisions are ill-advised, and because his musings are twisted in theory and hopeless in practice, we can conclude that our battle with Providence is a battle between spiritualism and militarism, between tradition and subversion, between the defenders of Western civilization and its enemies. With the battle lines drawn as such, it is abundantly clear that I have to wonder where Providence got the idea that it is my view that national-security interests can and should be sidestepped whenever his personal interests are at stake. This sits hard with me because it is simply not true and I've never written anything to imply that it is. He will hate me for saying this, but he is battening on us. Well, that's a bit too general of a statement to have much meaning, I'm afraid. So let me instead explain my point as follows: His diatribes reek like rotten eggs. Now that's a strong conclusion to draw just from the evidence I've presented in this letter so let me corroborate it by saying that my current plan is to drive off and disperse the prolix, jaded theologasters who bribe the parasitic with the earnings of the productive. Yes, he will draw upon the most powerful fires of Hell to tear that plan asunder, but he does not tolerate any view that differs from his own. Rather, Providence discredits and discards those people who contradict him along with the ideas that they represent. And there you have it. Providence was warned by his own habitués not to needle and wheedle disrespectful exponents of solecism into his entourage.