How was your day?

First day of school! Yay! Kind of. In my classic style, I've separated the major components of my post into spoilers which reveal more details, because man, I typed a lot.

 I had a dream...

that I missed my first class because I was doing something else and lost track of time. I subsequently spent the rest of the dream putting my daily schedule onto Google Calendar, which must be like the most boring dream ever.

 I found out I got a D in Numerical Computing.

Sadness. I feel confident taking the supplementary exam rather than retaking the class though. My GPA's already gone to pomegranate anyway.

 French class sucked.

I hate group work. At least I'm acing the class, which means little to me since what I need to be doing is talking to people, which I can't do because talking to people is scary. Honestly, I wanted to learn French originally, back in high school, because I wanted to be able to speak to my cousins here. We were pretty close growing up, and we always seemed to have fun, but when I started doing other things, and consequently not visiting them yearly (in adolescence, also when I became much less social), it felt as if they grew up without me and, well, they're like strangers to me now. Pretty much the only reason I'm learning French now is because I've decided to stay here in Quebec rather than move back to the states (my parents also recently dropped the bomb that they're planning on moving to Laos, so like, with my bridges burned back home, there's really no home to go back to if they're not there)

 Modern Computer Games is like, the best class ever.

They've minimized the graphics portion of the course so I don't have to have taken Computer Graphics to take it anymore, which is awesome because it was only available last semester and I didn't have the pre-reqs to take it. I'm pretty excited about it, which is kinda sad because it's the first thing I've really felt excited for in a long time. I have pretty little interest in actually making a game, but this class covers a whole lot more than that, including history and narrative, which I find interesting, to say the least.

 I really want to take this Artificial Intelligence class.

I can't, it conflicts with Logic and Computation, which I want to take more because I find it interesting and I think the prof is great. This leaves me having to take Database Systems, which I thought sounded good, but today I realize that I don't think it'll be interesting at all. I'm thinking about maybe dropping it for Probability, but I can take Probability over the summer, whereas high level computer science courses are usually not offered. This would've been my last semester had I not utterly failed last winter =/

[spoiler=I confirmed that that guy (to whom I sent that awkward facebook message) hasn't graduated yet.]I saw him in the cafe in the comp sci building lobby as I headed to Modern Computer Games, and he was still there an hour and a half later when the class ended. I'm pretty sure he saw me as well, but I just kept my head down and moved as swiftly as possible. Sigh. I'm so bad.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=Also I've decided to quit Maple.]I finalized my decision to quit Maple by uninstalling GMS, KMS, and KMST, as well as deleting my backups of GMS v140 to v144 (I still have CMST087 because Beast Tamer, but I really shouldn't have downloaded it in the first place). I just can't keep up anymore, haven't been able to for a long time, and ultimately it doesn't bring me much enjoyment anymore. The past few years of me being on Maple have pretty much only been to talk to this one person, and they've gotten Skype now. Not to mention, every time I try and do other things, there's always something inside me that's focused on Maple like a laser, and I don't like that. I can't say I'm very good at multitasking, since one thing can easily capture my attention up to the point where I forget to do important things, like eat. That thing is usually Maple, which works to my detriment, since I want to do things like math and physics and the whole time I'm thinking about whether my stuff will sell or if someone needs me to answer a Maple question, then I drop my book and go on Maple and think about how I really want to do other things and then never do them.[/spoiler]

[spoiler=I've been feeling pretty depressed lately, and I'm not really sure why.]It's very unsettling as I ended 2013 on a high note, but not surprising as I am usually pretty depressed. I guess my life's really not where I want it to be right now. I lack confidence, I'm broke and incapable of getting a job, I can't speak French, my grades have slipped up so much that I'm ashamed to ever go back to my high school and face my former teachers, I let my fears rule my life, and worst off, I feel so alone. I felt like I made a lot of progress at the end of last year (last semester, really), but now it feels like it's all coming crashing down.[/spoiler]

On another note, I've made the realization that talking to me is somewhat like talking to a snarky search engine. Not even a good search engine, I'm like Snarky Bing.