2013-01-02, 02:05 PM
OH MY GOD THESE RULES PISS ME OFF SO MUCH PLEASE DON'T READ THIS IF YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE MY ANGRY SIDE.
Spoiler
Dear Gregory
Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
I love you madly & look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
No, you're an pimento for even saying that, and pineapple your gift, I don't want anything to do with it.
2. I will always know the password.
Haha, nope. I'd smash it first, you nosy plum.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
Well no pomegranate, but pineapple you for giving such a shitty rule. I can only imagine the backlash this kid's going to have to deal with if he is in a situation where he simply doesn't hear it ring. "WHY ARE YOU IGNORING OUR CALLS YOU ARE GROUNDED GIVE ME THAT PHONE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE IT BACK EVER"
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
Clearly the dumbest rule of them all. I mean pomegranate, lady, you don't understand kids if you think you can enforce a bedtime after 7:30. being that strict with him is only going to alienate him.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
''HEY MOM HELP SOMEONE ABDUCTED ME AND I CAN'T CALL FOR HELP.'' alternatively ''pomegranate, MY TEACHER'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK.''
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
SOME FUCKING GIFT, HOLY pomegranate YOU ARE THE WORST PARENT. YOU AREN'T EVEN GIVING HIM THE OPTION OF GETTING A CHEAPER PHONE IN THIS. YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING ''HEY, HERE'S THIS FRAGILE PIECE OF PLASTIC. IF IT BREAKS YOU HAVE TO DO NINE TIMES THE CHORES'' FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
He's a fucking teenager, teenagers DO that. It sucks, but it's impossible to stop gossip. I know you're probably guilty of gossiping with your old biddies at work.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
saying it digitally is the same as saying it in person because your name is attached to it and they inherently know who said it.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
pineapple censorship and pineapple people who think that language should be limited for ''politeness'' and ''political correctness''
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.
hilarious, he's thirteen, going through puberty, and you just don't want to have to deal with cleaning the sheets.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
this is damn inconvenient, and completely goes against rule three.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
well no pomegranate, finally a rule that makes sense
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
wow, she must really hate instagram
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
It's a piece of advanced technology designed to give you access to things in places you normally would not have access to, such as the phone, information, music, literature, and all other kinds of fun things. I personally carry my phone everywhere, because sometimes i need to quickly look something up to get a better understanding of it.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
I DON'T LIKE THE MUSIC YOU DERN KIDS LISTEN TO, LISTEN TO SOMETHING ELSE yeah okay grandma
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
agreed, so long as it's not anything zynga put out. puzzle games are fun.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
but, learning is important. i mean i could watch a fire, and be all, wow, that's neat, i have no idea how it works but it's neat, or i could look it up, and learn about the heat, why it burns, what makes it burn, and get a deeper understanding of the world around me. you're basically telling your kid ''stay ignorant, it feels better''
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
you honestly have no idea that you already took away his phone with all these limits.
Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.
I love you madly & look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.
1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren't I the greatest?
No, you're an pimento for even saying that, and pineapple your gift, I don't want anything to do with it.
2. I will always know the password.
Haha, nope. I'd smash it first, you nosy plum.
3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads "Mom" or "Dad". Not ever.
Well no pomegranate, but pineapple you for giving such a shitty rule. I can only imagine the backlash this kid's going to have to deal with if he is in a situation where he simply doesn't hear it ring. "WHY ARE YOU IGNORING OUR CALLS YOU ARE GROUNDED GIVE ME THAT PHONE YOU CAN NEVER HAVE IT BACK EVER"
4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone's land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.
Clearly the dumbest rule of them all. I mean pomegranate, lady, you don't understand kids if you think you can enforce a bedtime after 7:30. being that strict with him is only going to alienate him.
5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It's a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.
''HEY MOM HELP SOMEONE ABDUCTED ME AND I CAN'T CALL FOR HELP.'' alternatively ''pomegranate, MY TEACHER'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK.''
6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.
SOME FUCKING GIFT, HOLY pomegranate YOU ARE THE WORST PARENT. YOU AREN'T EVEN GIVING HIM THE OPTION OF GETTING A CHEAPER PHONE IN THIS. YOU'RE BASICALLY SAYING ''HEY, HERE'S THIS FRAGILE PIECE OF PLASTIC. IF IT BREAKS YOU HAVE TO DO NINE TIMES THE CHORES'' FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK YOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU
7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.
He's a fucking teenager, teenagers DO that. It sucks, but it's impossible to stop gossip. I know you're probably guilty of gossiping with your old biddies at work.
8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.
saying it digitally is the same as saying it in person because your name is attached to it and they inherently know who said it.
9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.
pineapple censorship and pineapple people who think that language should be limited for ''politeness'' and ''political correctness''
10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.
hilarious, he's thirteen, going through puberty, and you just don't want to have to deal with cleaning the sheets.
11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.
this is damn inconvenient, and completely goes against rule three.
12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else's private parts. Don't laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear -- including a bad reputation.
well no pomegranate, finally a rule that makes sense
13. Don't take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.
wow, she must really hate instagram
14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO -- fear of missing out.
It's a piece of advanced technology designed to give you access to things in places you normally would not have access to, such as the phone, information, music, literature, and all other kinds of fun things. I personally carry my phone everywhere, because sometimes i need to quickly look something up to get a better understanding of it.
15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.
I DON'T LIKE THE MUSIC YOU DERN KIDS LISTEN TO, LISTEN TO SOMETHING ELSE yeah okay grandma
16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.
agreed, so long as it's not anything zynga put out. puzzle games are fun.
17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.
but, learning is important. i mean i could watch a fire, and be all, wow, that's neat, i have no idea how it works but it's neat, or i could look it up, and learn about the heat, why it burns, what makes it burn, and get a deeper understanding of the world around me. you're basically telling your kid ''stay ignorant, it feels better''
18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.
you honestly have no idea that you already took away his phone with all these limits.