EDIT: I was really harsh with what I originally wrote here, with big thanks to being wasted, cold, grumpy, tired, and hungry at the time. My roommate is still a close friend and my closest friend group absolutely doesn't suck.
The disappointing realization I was trying to reconcile was that I'll never be closer to any of them than I am now, and they're all closer with one another than I am with any of them. It's the idea of feeling like you're in the circle, but sitting in the chair that was quickly wedged between others so the circle's a little oblong and you're the protrusion. In other words, I'm in a weird limbo, for all intents and purposes within this group but, from time to time, can observe with clarity the moments I'm just outside.
Blah. Just editing this really so I can rethink through everything via exposition. Ultimately I feel content and kind of happy - well, whatever the step below happiness is - and thus not satisfyingly, exuberantly happy, which I think will come in time as I move, meet new people, and develop deeper friendships and relationships.
The disappointing realization I was trying to reconcile was that I'll never be closer to any of them than I am now, and they're all closer with one another than I am with any of them. It's the idea of feeling like you're in the circle, but sitting in the chair that was quickly wedged between others so the circle's a little oblong and you're the protrusion. In other words, I'm in a weird limbo, for all intents and purposes within this group but, from time to time, can observe with clarity the moments I'm just outside.
Blah. Just editing this really so I can rethink through everything via exposition. Ultimately I feel content and kind of happy - well, whatever the step below happiness is - and thus not satisfyingly, exuberantly happy, which I think will come in time as I move, meet new people, and develop deeper friendships and relationships.