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  1. Default Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    Now how do I begin this, I'm annoyed, surprise. Yes I know it's not in an angry dome thread but it's because I want actual discussion and some perspective.

    As of late my sister has been retarded, as usual. But I feel as though I'm the one being the short end of the stick on all this. My sister is a senior in highschool and work's as a hostest, so she's not making ridiculous money, shes got a handidown car from my grandma, parents paid for all the retitling, and all the fees associated with it, including a new battery. They also pay for her gas, and even with a job she likes to beg for money to most likely, fund her party needs or stupid hipster shampoo or lotions.

    Me on the other hand, bought my own car, pay for all my insurances, and $500 for rent. I make a bigger chunk of change than her, with all the taxes, retirement, bills, and etc I'm left, at a monthly $600 budget, where I try to balance it with a $300 credit card. I buy my own food (besides meals for dinner as of late) The thing is, I'm trying to save this money, and it's really hard. Granted I have a few grand saved up for my vacation in July (which is more of engagement plan than a luxury), but I'm just frustrated. I don't mind paying rent, but it bothers me when my sisters will be paid for, even when she turns 18, because of her position, a future poor college student struggling on some director ambition. Which will majorily be covered by the trusts my parents set up for both of us.

    So with all this considered, I'm thinking about asking him to stop charging me rent, not because I can't necessarily afford it, but so I can accelerate my savings. I guess I'm iffy about this suggestion because I don't want to come across, ungrateful, but proportionally I feel like they are encouraging her to save all of her money, which big junks go towards weed and alcohol, I'm sure, but hemorrhaging me because I make a decent paycheck. It be different if she cleaned or did something, but that's something I have to do additionally.

    I guess I'm torn if this is just a bad idea because I understand their point of view, she doesn't make a lot, so it isn't worth it, but they put no fiscal responsibility on her in comparison of me trying to be as independent as possible. As of right now moving out is not a possibility, it's my goal but again, not a possibility.

    So what you think? I'm an ungrateful prick or I should attempt negotiation where I'll most likely be verbally destroyed?

    EDIT: Additionally, the reason this suddenly started bothering me now is my sister already got a traffic ticket of about $200 for dangerous driving. I forgot the exact wording. My dad decided to challenge it, because, well, it was in a parking lot with like 8 speed bumps all with like 25-45 feet imbetween, so it's pretty..hard to do so.

    She didn't have to pay for the ticket(well, assuming it goes well) or the $400 legal expenses, my dad threatens "birthday present) as it's this upcoming month, but I know he'll end up getting her something.

  2. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    It sounds like your family's financial situation is very stable, so I don't think it would be a big problem to your dad if you did not pay rent anymore. You could also consider cutting it in half and not completely, so that you still do something for them, living in their house(?). 250$ extra is already a lot added to your 600$. (Maybe I misunderstood that) Comparing oneself to another person is never really a wise thing to do, because it can cause dissatisfaction. There are always people who suffer more or live better, even when it's family. And most of the time girls have it easier, and parents expect their sons to be more independent. She's seems to be the youngest in your family too.

  3. Monster Truck Tire Straight Male
    IGN: Triggernometry
    Server: Supports
    Job: TeamSecret
    Guild: BigDaddy<3

    Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    I would go and try to negotiate.
    Expose him every single thing of why would I need not to pay rent or just the half of it, at least temporarily.
    I mean what's the worst can happen? It's your dad afterall.

  4. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    I would normally agree to this, but it's at the same time a perfect example. If I got a ticket, and I could not afford it, I would still, morally, feel as though I should pay it back, or pay at as much as I can for it. Not my sister, nope she feels entitled to it. "bail me out, I don't have enough money". It bothers the f`uck out of me. But that isn't her nor there, I just feel like they'd make me pay it if it was me in her position.

  5. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    Maybe they would have have done that, but you're the independent son they can count on, if you change and become as 'spoiled' as your sister, it would be 2x a burden to them. She will grow up and learn that her parents can't pay everything for her some day. I totally understand you though, my parents bought a car for my sister are paying the insurance and everything for her. You don't see me asking for a car though. I would be lying if I said I don't mind, but in the end I don't think I want to burden them more.

    In my country parents are bound by the law to pay for their children until they're done with school. So if you've been paying all your bills and living expenses yourself as you said, you can very well try to discuss this with your father. I'd still try to cut the rent in half only maybe, at least for the beginning? So there won't be a big 500$ hole in the household budget all of a sudden.

  6. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    Well not something I discussed during the topic but the point of the saving is getting the oppurtunity to invest/move out. This whole rent thing is hindering my progress. Sure my sisters 17 but in a year nothing will change. That much is obvious. I'm not a leech though, if he were to cut my rent, I would pick up maid service to make it up. Morally I feel guilty if I'm not contributing something. So don't get the wrong idea, it's not that I want equal treatment, but equal oppurtunity.

  7. Donator Straight Female
    IGN: icephoenix21
    Server: Scania
    Level: 212
    Job: Bishop
    Guild: DremithCross
    Alliance: Evolution
    Farm: IcePhoenix

    Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    I would say you should try to do some sort of negotiation.
    At least bring up those details about your sister and in comparison to you.

    Maybe not ask to stop paying rent and such all together, but at least lower it, or have your sister start having more financial responsibilities.

    I kinda understand where you're coming from. My stepbrother is 21, works 20 hours a week, and pays nothing to live at home. He doesn't drive, he isn't in school, hell he doesn't even have to pay for his own contacts or hair cuts.

    BS. PURE BS.

  8. Donator Straight Male
    IGN: ShinkuDragon HoukaPhoenix BoshokuRaven
    Server: Scania
    Level: 152
    Job: Batman
    Guild: IDissOrtis

    Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    i'd say being a good son is a way of giving back to the house already. i don't see asking for a cut on the rent as "asking for too much" especially if you're helping out already in everything else, moving out once you are able to get your own place might be more of a burden to your parents than having them cut your rent.

  9. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    That's a good point. I think your family will understand if you talk to them. You've done a lot to help already. Good luck! (:

  10. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    If you're going to talk to your dad, you definitely should not bring up your sister in any way, especially not to compare your actions and contributions. Based on the way you describe your parents and how they treat your sister, if you do, he'll think you're just being whiny and that'll contribute a lot to your "verbal destruction". It's a sure way to failure.

    I'm not one to rock the boat, but if there's no long term negative repercussions for just asking, then I don't see why you shouldn't.

    Best of luck to you.

  11. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    This. Remember that while your sister is part of why you're considering negotiations, your goal is to be able to save more money and bringing your sister down isn't going to contribute to that while doing it might spoil any chances you have of talking things out.

    You're not bad for feeling this way, it's just that what you feel about it and what arguments you're bringing up in support of your case are separate matters here.

  12. Orbital Bee Cannon
    IGN: SaptaZapta
    Server: Kradia
    Level: 214
    Job: Hero
    Guild: Matriarchy
    Alliance: Dominion

    Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    I would suggest sitting down with your Dad and asking him for financial advice.
    Leave your sister completely out of it.
    Tell him your plans: you want to get married, get your own home, etc. You're saving up for all that, but you're only making [whatever] and you have these expenses: [list them, including rent and whatnot, in the most matter-of-fact way]. Plus your prospects of a raise or advancement at work and yadda yadda. Which ends up with you barely able to save anything, and if it stays this way you'll still be living with them years from now which is inconvenient for both sides etc. So what does he suggest you can do to save money faster?

    Your goal, in all this, is to make him come up with the brilliant idea of you not paying rent. And maybe committing to putting that money into a savings account or trust fund or something, so he knows you're saving it and not wasting it.

    I repeat: Leave your sister out of it. "Why her and not me?" immediately tags you as a whiny brat and he won't listen to another word. Talk to him as one serious adult to another, and as a son who respects his father's financial wisdom. Hopefully if he sees that you are indeed the serious and responsible person as they expect you to be, he might be moved to help you with your tight budget.

    Another possibility is to speak to your mother. Less of a serious talk and more of an "unintentional" wistful comment along the lines of "x days 'til I see my gf again *sigh* I miss her so much .... wish we could get married and have our own place and maybe even a baby already ... but it's so hard to save money nowadays ... " and basically again list your salary against all your expenses, and hope she picks up on that rent being a huge chunk out of your pay. She might not say anything immediately, don't press it. She might feel she needs to consult with your dad in private before she can tell you the rent is cut or whatever. And, again, don't mention your sister at all.

    From what I understand, your family has no real need for those $500 you pay for rent. It's probably more of a principle thing, you're over 18 and you have a job, so you should pay rent "to learn how much housing costs" or some such. So it's a matter of subtly convincing them that teaching you the value of saving money is more important and of more use to them as well (because it gets you out of their hair sooner).

    Good luck.

  13. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    The crux of my argument is this whole "equal oppurtunity bit". Simply stating "I need to save more money, so I can move out" will not even phase him in any logical sense. To be honest my mother thinks I shouldn't be paying rent at all, my girlfriend also not paying rent herself caused a previous engagement about this between them, not me, because at the time, I felt like I should be.

    But after the recent events, I feel as though I'm more on the lines being bolted down because I can afford it. So although, yes in majority of negotiations, bringing a foreign entity into it "but her parents let her!", would normally be a bad call, I feel as though the crux of this ticket situation proves my point. Why stress fiscal responsibility on me, especially in this economy when it's handicapping me, while the idea of responsbility hasn't even been whispered, let alone fiscal?

  14. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    People took the words right out of my mouth.

  15. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    Okay some context is in order.

    1) He already feels guilty about how he treats my sister and is constant fear of favoritism issues. We had this discussion a month ago about how he helped with her car and sh`it because she needs it for the future.

    2) I have tried that negotiation method of asking him to just put the money away for me. I was snapped back, quite quickly about how it's not his responsibility. This includes house/engagement bull sh`it. If I can't afford it, tough sh`it. It's not his problem.

    3) His parents, (adopted) are ruthless. My grandmother is probably the worst person on the face of the Earth, by far. My cousin Kristy, again not related, has a mess of social issues (gender/sexual flip flopper), her dad abandoned her and she tried getting out, but my grandma forces her to pay 50% of her paycheck. No questions asked if she wants to stay there. Eventually she ended up getting together with some girl in virginia to run away, but to give you an idea, I'll probably sooner end up bankrupt in my house than him to just "accept" that I have to have more money in order to progress.

    4) My mother/mother sides of the family completely disagrees with it, and there has been a few fights over the years about it. So that opinion is already out there.

    As much as I hope he'd look at the finacial information as a wake up call, I wouldn't put it past him to claim that I shouldn't want things I can't realistically afford.

  16. Orbital Bee Cannon
    IGN: SaptaZapta
    Server: Kradia
    Level: 214
    Job: Hero
    Guild: Matriarchy
    Alliance: Dominion

    Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    If you're dead set on presenting it as "Why do I have to pay rent while sis doesn't even have to pay her traffic tickets?", go ahead. You know your parents better than any of us. If you think that will work, good luck.

    In my opinion, they will simply say, "Because she's not 18 yet. We paid all your expenses when you were 17, too."
    Now, you know, and they probably know too, that nothing will change when she turns 18. Doesn't matter. As long as it hasn't happened yet, they can use this answer.

    Also, if moving out is not a goal they want you working towards, try something else. Perhaps you're saving up for an advanced degree or something of the sort, education that can improve your earning prospects?

  17. Default Re: Am I wrong for feeling this way?

    Actually that bit solved it for me

    I don't see that I can close it, if you can that be great.

    Thanks guys I really just need a back and forth to kind of a get a grasp of my scenario, my dad is intimidating for me to talk too lol.



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