Mom's own iPhone use ToC (Terms of Conditions) to her son

[Green4Ever]

I approve.
I didn't even get my first phone until I was 17 and I still rarely use my phone now.

[Retalion]

When I read this thread, I was intrigued, because I could definitely see arguments swinging both ways (though when I saw someone posting this, I expected outrage from the TS, simply because things are often only posted when they bring about a severe reaction, and severe reactions are often negative. That being said, no offense meant). On one hand, I agree that these are important guidelines to etiquette, that these are important life lessons. However, I can also see the list being too imposing.

Personally, I question the method of doing this. From my own experiences, I've learnt that the most striking life lessons are learned "in the wild", at school, in the workplace, and in everyday interactions in life. Fact of the matter is, parents tell us many things, but we don't understand them till we truly experience it. It's like a parent telling a child "don't date till after high school". The child/teen won't understand the reason, and even think its unfair. But when they're older, looking back on it, they'd probably agree it made sense. Am I saying high school relationships don't work? No. However, you can't deny the fact that most high schoolers are not ready to be in a relationship, and that dating could indeed hinder their studies. But the high schoolers won't think so at the time. Most, if not all of us here are beyond 13, so this list looks reasonable to us; we've experienced the world, made our mistakes, learned from them, etc. However, imagine this list in the eyes of a 13 year old.

When I was 10, my mom proposed that all the gifts/money I got for Christmas be donated to poor children in Africa. I was appalled by that as a kid. I was even angry/mad. "All the other kids are getting presents and I don't get anything? ITS NOT FAIR". At the age of 10, you (least me anyways) only think about yourself, and comparing with others. I put up such a fuss about it that my mom gave up on the idea. I'm 23 now, and for the past few years, I've always taken all the money (because people don't know what to get me, so they usually give me cash) that I've gotten for Christmas and redirected it to charities or used it to buy things for families in need. I also match the amount that I spend on gifts for others and add that to what I give out. This was exactly what my mom saw 10+ years ago when I was a child. However, this was also something my mom couldn't enforce on me by making me sign a contract or by simply taking my gifts and giving them to others. This was something I had to decide myself, willingly, at roughly the age of 20. "I don't need/want much, I have a whole life of earning money ahead of me, why not use this money to help those who need it?"

That list of things that the mom has given the child. They're all good things, I agree. However, I believe these things have to be learnt on their own. No contract, no matter how in depth and how well enforced, will teach as life does. And while all the best intentions were given here, I wouldn't be surprised if the plan backfired, much like my mom's did when I was younger.

[Curtiss]

When I read this thread, I was intrigued, because I could definitely see arguments swinging both ways (though when I saw someone posting this, I expected outrage from the TS, simply because things are often only posted when they bring about a severe reaction, and severe reactions are often negative. That being said, no offense meant). On one hand, I agree that these are important guidelines to etiquette, that these are important life lessons. However, I can also see the list being too imposing.

Personally, I question the method of doing this. From my own experiences, I've learnt that the most striking life lessons are learned "in the wild", at school, in the workplace, and in everyday interactions in life. Fact of the matter is, parents tell us many things, but we don't understand them till we truly experience it. It's like a parent telling a child "don't date till after high school". The child/teen won't understand the reason, and even think its unfair. But when they're older, looking back on it, they'd probably agree it made sense. Am I saying high school relationships don't work? No. However, you can't deny the fact that most high schoolers are not ready to be in a relationship, and that dating could indeed hinder their studies. But the high schoolers won't think so at the time. Most, if not all of us here are beyond 13, so this list looks reasonable to us; we've experienced the world, made our mistakes, learned from them, etc. However, imagine this list in the eyes of a 13 year old.

When I was 10, my mom proposed that all the gifts/money I got for Christmas be donated to poor children in Africa. I was appalled by that as a kid. I was even angry/mad. "All the other kids are getting presents and I don't get anything? ITS NOT FAIR". At the age of 10, you (least me anyways) only think about yourself, and comparing with others. I put up such a fuss about it that my mom gave up on the idea. I'm 23 now, and for the past few years, I've always taken all the money (because people don't know what to get me, so they usually give me cash) that I've gotten for Christmas and redirected it to charities or used it to buy things for families in need. I also match the amount that I spend on gifts for others and add that to what I give out. This was exactly what my mom saw 10+ years ago when I was a child. However, this was also something my mom couldn't enforce on me by making me sign a contract or by simply taking my gifts and giving them to others. This was something I had to decide myself, willingly, at roughly the age of 20. "I don't need/want much, I have a whole life of earning money ahead of me, why not use this money to help those who need it?"

That list of things that the mom has given the child. They're all good things, I agree. However, I believe these things have to be learnt on their own. No contract, no matter how in depth and how well enforced, will teach as life does. And while all the best intentions were given here, I wouldn't be surprised if the plan backfired, much like my mom's did when I was younger.

Your mom sounds special (No offence, I'm just confused as to how she expects a 10 year old kid to have that kind of compassion and selflessness when almost all of them won't because they don't have the life experiences to decide on that). Personally, I think that's why she included the part about making mistakes because she's wise enough to know he's going to screw up on at least one of those points but she's also telling him that's when they'll sit down and talk about it.

[Locked]

Other discussions.


At least from a parent's perspective.

[KhainiWest]

Every child is different, it's your own judgement on how you introduce them to a pretty significant tool and how responsible they are. I know I'll be introducing these tool's to my children at a young age, not going to wait until 16-19 especially since it's become so mainstream. That's my opinion anyway.

[Dusk]

The life advice is reasonable, but what the pineapple is the point of having a cell phone if he can't take it to school and he has to give it up every night at 7:30 pm? He's going to come home from school after any afterschool activities he's involved in and have it for like, 2-3 hours. Forget touching base with parents when at school or going out with friends at night.

Also, telling a 13 year old boy "no porn" is laughably ineffective.

[MasPan]

Also, telling a 13 year old boy "no porn" is laughably ineffective.

Except she can easily check it each night.

[Dusk]

Except she can easily check it each night.

He's going to get his porn somehow, even if she does.

[Polantaris]

Also, telling a 13 year old boy "no porn" is laughably ineffective.

He's going to get his porn somehow, even if she does.

Who the hell uses a phone for porn?

[Link]

Who the hell uses a phone for porn?

People in my high school used them for it all of the time. I remember this one kid sitting next to me in Oceanography had it on his phone all day during class. It was annoying as all hell.

[Dusk]

Who the hell uses a phone for porn?

There have been mobile versions of many streaming sites for quite a while, so a lot of people.

[KhainiWest]

There have been mobile versions of many streaming sites for quite a while, so a lot of people.

Not an expert but when I was 13 I wasn't pulling splinter cell sh`it to get pornography, frankly I had no interest in it until I was 16-17 and it was more of a curiosity thing.

[Polantaris]

There have been mobile versions of many streaming sites for quite a while, so a lot of people.

It's a huge sign that you have a problem when you can't wait until you get home to whack off.

Besides, they have Xbox 360 enabled porn sites, but that doesn't mean everyone and their grandmother is using their 360 to view porn. If you're questioning what I mean, back when the 360 added IE support, a few porn sites advertised that their sites will work on the 360 version of IE.

[KhainiWest]

It's a huge sign that you have a problem when you can't wait until you get home to whack off.

Besides, they have Xbox 360 enabled porn sites, but that doesn't mean everyone and their grandmother is using their 360 to view porn. If you're questioning what I mean, back when the 360 added IE support, a few porn sites advertised that their sites will work on the 360 version of IE.

I remember being 12 in blockbuster and wondering why they had playboy video games.

[Jamesie]

Good intentions, poor execution.

[Syphira]

...Most of these are Common sense and things I don't even do, so I wouldn't have much of a problem.

But the phone with school thing is kind of a... overreaction, in my opinion.
Granted, some kids may or may not (but the majority do) use the phone during class, but I'm more concerned about what if the Parent is late or if the kid needs to stay after school and has to call back for a ride later...

But then again why an iPhone--

[Link]

what if the Parent is late or if the kid needs to stay after school and has to call back for a ride later...

The school should have a phone and someone who can deliver the message. If the kid doesn't know his own parent's number, there's something wrong.

[snowie72]

I grew up in the era of cell phones becoming main stream, I was around 11-13 over the period we went from Nokia 3210's to the 3310's i think.. I didn't even have a real need for them because we were actually REAL kids who met up in real life and played football and pomegranate lol. My little brother is 11 and doesn't go out with his friends.. he prefers to play on CoD and minecraft all day..

Anyways I got a few angry responses when I told people I got my daughter who is 4, a laptop for christmas this year. She uses my PC all day long in the living area so I don't see the problem of her having a laptop which me or her mom supervise her on when ever shes on it.

Plus she loves Tom and Jerry wayyyyy too much to give up her Youtube addiction now lolol.

[ResistGreen]

It does not go with you to school.

I always thought that phones were supposed to be for emergencies. What do I do if I get kidnapped? Just suffer because my mom wouldn't let me bring my phone because she thinks I'll text/call my friends?

[SaptaZapta]

Anyways I got a few angry responses when I told people I got my daughter who is 4, a laptop for christmas this year. She uses my PC all day long in the living area so I don't see the problem of her having a laptop which me or her mom supervise her on when ever shes on it.

My kids played with computers since birth, pretty much, but I prefer desktops for them. Much cheaper and less fragile (also prefer CRTs that they can't tip over). And it's not like she needs to take it to school or to her friends.