So, I just got an email explaining some of our issues in the past 24 hours.
Our host is run by morons.
They actually locked out and killed the webserver because, four days ago, it had an issue that resulted in it spawning a half dozen copies of itself. They didn't contact me about this, I dealt with it when it occurred, and even despite it occurring at no point did we use more resources than we pay for, but apparently it impacted other customers, indicating they've either oversold/overcommited their hardware or terribly failed at sandboxing individual VPSes from each other, so today long after the issue was dealt with they took action.
Needless to say I am quite livid. We may be having some unplanned downtime to move to another host because unless they backpedal nicely I am not willing to put up with this sort of "customer service".