Help me.. I'm going to find out within 30 minutes if...

[Moonlapse]

I have never been in any kind of LDR so I can't really say anything here. Hope your summer goes well.

[KhainiWest]

Thanks for telling me but it's not going to change anything for me.
I could be like ''Hey its gonna work out for me though!'' but I cant.
you never know. But I do love this girl more than you could possibly imagine.
I have things planned out that I rather don't share because it seems ''pointless''
to most anyway but hey, let me live my dream. And my dream happens to be with her.

I love her. she loves me. We're happy. So let us be.
And just like you, I have a couple of friends who have a LDR who are now married/living together.
Funny how I know a few people from that 1%. Guess i'm lucky. (:

Well coincidence much :P. My girlfriend is coming out here for 3 months. Job hunting for her. Pretty much if we can't find a job, shes just gonna come out on a student visa to get her masters. Our circumstance's have a little more flexibility because we have money and support. It's nearing two years now and I don't regret a single day of it. It doesn't always work out, but those with the patience, determination and faith/confidence in themselves can pull it off.

It's a great risk, but if you make the right gamble and you'll end up with that fairytale ending.

[Death]

I am referring specifically to this:



That's not anxiety. Well, it's probably partly anxiety driven but it's a whole lot more than that. And not healthy for either of them.

Yeah it´s extremely weird for saying those things when i´ve only seen her once in two years.
I already barely talk to her due to the time difference. I was just extremely nervous about the awnser.
You clearly have no clue on what´s going on. I´m really not sure what makes you think im this desperate that it´s unhealthy for the two of us.
Sorry but wtp.

Could you please explain why I would have a long distance relationship if a relationship is such a big part of my life?
I only talk to her for about 2 hours a day after college and work. If i'm not allowed to be scared for her being here for the second
time in two freaking years then what am I supposed to do? It's sad you can't be happy for me instead of saying that it's better we don't see eachother.
What made you so bitter?

[Panacea]

You shouldn't expect people to be happy for you, nor should it be sad if they don't.

Personally? I don't really care either way. Does that make me bitter? No, just indifferent.

It's nice that everything worked out.

[Death]

You shouldn't expect people to be happy for you, nor should it be sad if they don't.

Personally? I don't really care either way. Does that make me bitter? No, just indifferent.

It's nice that everything worked out.

Oh but I dont expect people to be happy for me, or even understand my relationship but I just dont like what she's saying.
She's making it seem like my whole life revolts around her wich is not true at all. And don't worry it doesn't make you seem bitter at
all it's a fact. I'm glad if someone is happy for us if they're not or dont understand. Fine. But don't come at me saying I shouldn't see
her at all because this person read one single thread about me and her thinking she knows exactly how my life is and how it is between
me and her. I do not like to be judged.

Either way, i'm not going to pay attention to it anymore. I'm happy right now and I couldn't give a flying pineapple anymore
about what anyone thinks really. And well yeah, thank you. (:

EDIT: And yeah its my fault for saying ''Cant you just be happy for us?'' I shouldnt have said that.

[Sarah]

You're being extremely over-defensive. I made no such statement implying that I knew all about you or your life. Simply stating that you need to re-evaluate the situation if you actually feel THAT devastated by the prospect of not seeing her, because that's not love. I do, however, know all about relationships and people in general. I will be using the term "you" a lot in the following but I mean it in general, not as in you specifically.

You've only met this girl once and yet you're basically saying you can't live without her. That's about not wanting to be alone, especially based on the fact that you said previously that you're something of a recluse. Everyone wants to be loved but a relationship shouldn't be about needing the other person. It should be about just enjoying them consistently. The sort of feelings I commented on are relationship killers, because a person isn't thinking about the relationship as a long-term commitment but rather a "what can I get out of this now" situation. That's how a lot of people treat relationships, though, so it's not as if you're abnormal. But it's not healthy; you end up putting your psychological wants and needs on the other person and vice versa, which always pushes people away.

Anyway, I'm not bitter. I've been in that sort of relationship, and I know where it leads. I've seen dozens of other people fail the same way. It's also easier to get depressed when things don't work out because you've put too much feeling into something unrealistically. It's all about "you" and not "us." That can be changed, and that was why I brought this up. No relationship should make you feel like that. You can be excited and anxious about the prospect of seeing someone you love without feeling like the world will come crashing down if you don't. Gotta make it work without NEEDING to make it work. Gotta be aloof!

In the end, I think it's great that you've found someone you feel like you connect with. I am happy for you in that regard. Just... not happy about watching you self-destruct.

[KhainiWest]

It should be about just enjoying them consistently. The sort of feelings I commented on are relationship killers, because a person isn't thinking about the relationship as a long-term commitment but rather a "what can I get out of this now" situation. That's how a lot of people treat relationships, though, so it's not as if you're abnormal. But it's not healthy; you end up putting your psychological wants and needs on the other person and vice versa, which always pushes people away.

SO MUCH THIS.

Though death i'd take this post as a grain of salt in terms of advice, not because it isn't legitimate advice but there's a lot of assumptions she's making. I understand where Sarah is coming from though, my first "online/long distance" destroyed me, and shes warning you that the exaggerations you are using are alarming. Although I think it's personally just the adraneline you feel of getting to see her again.

[Death]

SO MUCH THIS.

Though death i'd take this post as a grain of salt in terms of advice, not because it isn't legitimate advice but there's a lot of assumptions she's making. I understand where Sarah is coming from though, my first "online/long distance" destroyed me, and shes warning you that the exaggerations you are using are alarming. Although I think it's personally just the adraneline you feel of getting to see her again.

Yup this.

You're being extremely over-defensive. I made no such statement implying that I knew all about you or your life. Simply stating that you need to re-evaluate the situation if you actually feel THAT devastated by the prospect of not seeing her, because that's not love. I do, however, know all about relationships and people in general. I will be using the term "you" a lot in the following but I mean it in general, not as in you specifically.

You've only met this girl once and yet you're basically saying you can't live without her. That's about not wanting to be alone, especially based on the fact that you said previously that you're something of a recluse. Everyone wants to be loved but a relationship shouldn't be about needing the other person. It should be about just enjoying them consistently. The sort of feelings I commented on are relationship killers, because a person isn't thinking about the relationship as a long-term commitment but rather a "what can I get out of this now" situation. That's how a lot of people treat relationships, though, so it's not as if you're abnormal. But it's not healthy; you end up putting your psychological wants and needs on the other person and vice versa, which always pushes people away.

Anyway, I'm not bitter. I've been in that sort of relationship, and I know where it leads. I've seen dozens of other people fail the same way. It's also easier to get depressed when things don't work out because you've put too much feeling into something unrealistically. It's all about "you" and not "us." That can be changed, and that was why I brought this up. No relationship should make you feel like that. You can be excited and anxious about the prospect of seeing someone you love without feeling like the world will come crashing down if you don't. Gotta make it work without NEEDING to make it work. Gotta be aloof!

In the end, I think it's great that you've found someone you feel like you connect with. I am happy for you in that regard. Just... not happy about watching you self-destruct.

I don't even know where to start.
I think I gave you an extremely wrong image of how I am with this thread.
It's not about psychological wants at all. ofcourse I miss kissing her and holding her hand and such.. but I would never even consider a
LDR if I felt like I needed that the whole time. I fell in love with her because of how she is and I enjoy talking to her everyday. But you
can't say that a person can go completely without physical attention. It's in fact a huge part of a relationship and we simply don't have it.
That's the reason why I was so anxious for this. And not just that, I want her to meet my family because we have more plans in the future.
(It's probably wise not to say anything about this).

And i'm sorry but I do need her. Why? Because my life isnt exactly the best one there is and she is helping me a lot with being happier
with everything in general.

I was fully aware of the whole LDR thing when I started it. It took me a half year to decide if I should actually go for it. But I ended up
liking her a lot more than I imagined and eventually she felt the same. So I asked her to start a LDR with me.

And, yeah the whole thing I wrote was still based off being nervous as hell. This trip wasn't just about me or her it was about how it
would go in the future aswell. If we cant even get her parents to trust her or me, how could we possibly improve it? I've done
everything I could to make it better but it's hard.

I just think you took the ''needing'' part a little different than I expected. I'm sorry, but I do need the person who I love because she helps me being
positive. And just so you know we had this last summer aswell and she couldn't come. Ofcourse I was really bummed out and felt pretty crappy for a
few days but it's not like I got depressed as pineapple and stopped living my life. That will never happen. I pretty much wrote this with shaking hands
because I wanted to see if she could finally meet my family aswell and make our relationship stronger. Something like this helps a lot in a LDR and
that is why I was so set on hoping it would work out. Not because I really cant live with her or i'll die or get depressed.

And I have never been depressed in the time I was with her. Like I explained above the summer where it didnt work out before was probably
the worst thing we've had in our relationship and I just felt crappy for a couple of days. that's it. After that I started working on a plan to see her
another time and we moved on.

And really, the physical part of our relationship will never get in the way. It's just something that helps us getting through this till we can arrange
different things in the future. If I wanted physical things all the time I would have gotten together with girls in my town. (And yes, it's not like I was
desperate I started to look for a girl on the internet, and I know you're not assuming this but many others do.)

She's just special to me and I want everything to work out and get through the next two years in any way possible. And the summer would
just improve it a lot. That is all.


EDIT: I know I shouldn't say this and I regret it already typing this but we've already looked into finding a job for me in the US.
And no, not just because of her but it's been my dream to go to america since I was a little boy. Believe me or not. Her being there
just makes it better, but my decisions in the future will never completely based off her.