RULE 1: GET A JOB. STOP BEING A BUM. GET OFF YOUR ASS (AND GET THOSE TOYS OUT OF IT TOO) AND MAKE THAT BREAD. BRING THE BACON HOME, SO YOU CAN HAVE YOUR CAKE AND EAT IT TOO.
RULE B: BUY A CAR. MY ADVICE IS TO GET A BI'TCHIN' CAMARO. CAMARO IS A BI'TCHING CAR, AND BI'TCHES LOVE CAMAROS. HELL, EVEN STRAIGHT MEN LOVE 'EM. JUST DO IT. PLUS, IT'S LIKE A HOME ON WHEELS, SO EVEN IF YOU DONT HAVE A PLACE TO LIVE (WHICH WON'T BE FOR LONG), YOU CAN SLEEP IN YOUR BI'TCHIN' CAMARO.
RULE 4: GYM MEMBERSHIPS? NO F'UCK THAT SH'IT BI'TCH. THIS IS ABOUT BEING INDEPENDANT. F'UCK GYMS. RULE 4: WORKOUT LIKE A MAN. USE WHAT YOU HAVE. GOT MILK? CURL THOSE CURDLES. GOT A CAR (LIKE A BI'TCHIN' CAMARO)? SET THAT pomegranate TO NEUTRAL AND RESISTANCE TRAIN WITH IT. JOG WITH YOUR CAR. IT'S LIKE YOURE RIDING YOUR RIDE WHILE YOURE RIDING YOUR RIDE. GET THAT NEXT GEN XZIBIT SH'IT UP HERE. JUMPING JACKS? GET BACK TO SKIPPING THROUGH FLOWER FIELDS PANSY. BURPY'S FOOL. THEY'RE LIKE JUMPING JACKS. BUT BETTER. MAKE SH'IT UP. WORK OUT ALL YOUR MUSCLES. TURN THEM INTO MUSCOOLS, CUZ YOU'LL BE LOOKIN' COOL AS SH'IT WITH THAT RIPPED 6-PACK AND ARM CANNONS. BABOOM BABY.
RULE 69: SINGLE STILL? STOP BEING A QUEER. GO TO A PARTY. GO TO A CONCERT. STILL NO DIGITS? GROW UP BABY, YOURE NOT READY FOR THIS NEXT LEVEL MAN SH'IT BRO. RULE 69: DISREGARD WOMEN, THEY WILL SEE YOU WHEN THEY CAN HANDLE HOW AWESOME YOU ARE.
RULE MELON: MUSIC. PUT THAT SISSY DISNEY SH'IT AWAY. REAL MEN LISTEN TO ONE OF OR COMBINATIONS OF THE FOLLOWING: RAP, COUNTRY, ROCK, METAL, ROCK-RAP, COUNTRY ROCK, RAP METAL, BLACK METAL. IF IT CAN BLOW OUT YOUR EARDRUMS, YOURE DOING IT RIGHT.
FOLLOW THESE SIMPLE STEPS AND LIFE WILL BE AWESOME. YOULL GET CHEST HAIR. PIT HAIR. FACE HAIR. HAIR EVERYWHERE. YOULL SH'IT LIGHTNING AND PISS EXCELLENCE.
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