Dreaming :]

[FlashByMe]

Ummm...im srry if this isnt the right place to post this but i wanted to share something with you all :]


Laying Dreaming About….

What We Could Be,
Would Be,
And Should Be.

But Waking Up To Reality……
Of What We Won’t Be,
Can’t Be,
And Never Will Be.

I’d Rather Dream…..
But Then…
I’d Rather Be Awake,
And Know That It Will Never Be….
Then Waking Up Every Morning To This Reality….
From A Wonderful Dream...


-TaniaButtonz:shine:


umm its Something I Wrote :]

[♥Ji]

nice poem flashbyme :) what was the thought that made you write it?

i notice you've got some rhyming going - good start!

i guess you wrote it in word07 or something and then copied it in because it's got big gaps between each line. maybe take out the extra line to make it easier to read?

[FlashByMe]

ok :] and i posted it on my myspace :] soo it was like that ><


Ummm....thank you its actually my first time i wrote a poem ><

and this was from the heart i sat at 3am and felt like writing something down and it became a poem :]

and this is really cuz my ex broke up after dating for a year and 5 months

he didnt have time for me anymore... soo ya ~

[♥Ji]

oh, i'm so sorry to hear that! breaking up is horrible to have to go through. have done it once myself and hope never to do it again. hope everything turns out alright for you.

yes, the best poetry does come from the heart, just because it's not fake. - from the poem it sounds like you are dealing ok with it at the moment?

ah, myspace! makes sense. you can edit your original post if you want and go and delete the extra space if you want (the "edit post" button at the bottom right of your first post)

thanks for sharing what must be a very personal experience.

[FlashByMe]

oh, i'm so sorry to hear that! breaking up is horrible to have to go through. have done it once myself and hope never to do it again. hope everything turns out alright for you.

yes, the best poetry does come from the heart, just because it's not fake. - from the poem it sounds like you are dealing ok with it at the moment?

ah, myspace! makes sense. you can edit your original post if you want and go and delete the extra space if you want (the "edit post" button at the bottom right of your first post)

thanks for sharing what must be a very personal experience.


its okay :] i mean we grow from every experience right?

>< and im alot better now i use to just sit in my room..and cry but then......ehh need to realize life moves on :]

and im glad i had God to be there and send me the right ppl helping me out alot.


and im glad to share it with all of SouthPerry . :]

[♥Ji]

that is very good to hear :) and a thought for you - keep working on your poetry, could be something there too! God puts everything in our life for a reason.

as for your original question (not really a question) - southperry used to have a writing board but not anymore. so at the moment people are unofficially posting things in the most relevant board for the specific piece

- rubik's cube - intelligent discussion, post carefully here as people might be quite specific in their feedback (so some people suggested writing should be posted here)
- speakeasy - social discussions. i assume you can post poetry here too. people will treat it more as a casual conversation and less of a composition.
- funhouse - lots of people will look at it and may leave comments from their own perspective. (some have posted their fun poems here too)
- dungeon - people traditionally rp here (but you need quite a few people writing to make it work)

i'm not a mod but i'm guessing if it was maplestory related like a critical poem about nexon you could post it in the general maplestory board?

southperry has hopefully moved on from the no-writing-allowed belief - hope i'm not misleading you saying that!

[FlashByMe]

ahh true God can be :] im also trying to draw from my heart and i joined this Umm site called DeviantART

its really cool and im happy i could draw and write poems even if im not good at them



and thank you alot on telling me this :] and umm this forum is really active right? -just asking- :]


i really like this forum tho :]

[♥Ji]

offtopic: yep, it's pretty active as forums go ;)

maybe you can post a thread in the "amherst" section saying hi, then everyone can welcome you officially (if you haven't done so already). there's a bunch of stuff you can do around here if you're thinking of staying - have a look in the IRC (link at the top right, blue bar), read some guides and get to know how it all works.

if you like art too there's the "open canvas" board where you can contribute art and comment on others' too. deviantart is a great site, i think most people who post in open canvas are probably on deviant too.


and... just making sure we're back on topic!: yea i really meant what i said about how the best poems come from the heart ;) some people might criticise your poem (no one's perfect this side of heaven!) but it's got something no criticism can improve on, and that's the message you're giving out to everyone

when you're trying to write and don't really have a message, that's when it all falls apart. if you've got a message, even if it's your first poem, then you've got somewhere to start from

heh
sorry, i'm a bit obsessive about writing :P (not good at it: just obsessive.)

[FlashByMe]

oo thank you ill do that :]


and haha its okay its never bad to love writing :]....


and thank you soo much about the art thing :] ill be sure to go there :D

[Vathek]

It's not very good or interesting.

Also don't think this is the right place.

[Chompy]

This is why we need the shady tree back-
The content isn't appropriate for Rubik's Cube nor FunHouse nor any other area I can think of at them moment.
....
And personally I feel the poem lacks depth.
It feels like it was written by a 15 year old.
Not to be offensive.:glitter:

[Nikkey]

It's not very good or interesting.

Also don't think this is the right place.

Constructive criticism please? :goggle:

I like the repetition and rhyming. Repeating gives power to the word repeated, and rhyming makes it "catchy".

Though, I think I would limit myself from capitalizing every first letter and adding all the periods after each line. It's both "annoying" (makes it harder to read and keep focus) and I feel somewhat lost when I get to the end of each sentence. How long should I take a break? Should I take a break?

Laying dreaming about

What we could be,
would be,
and should be

But waking up to reality
of what we won’t be,
can’t be,
and never will be

I’d rather dream
but then
I’d rather be awake,
and know that it will never be
then waking up every morning to this reality

from a wonderful dream

[FlashByMe]

This is why we need the shady tree back-
The content isn't appropriate for Rubik's Cube nor FunHouse nor any other area I can think of at them moment.
....
And personally I feel the poem lacks depth.
It feels like it was written by a 15 year old.
Not to be offensive.:glitter:

hahahah :] i am a 15yr old :]

[♥Ji]

Constructive criticism please? :goggle:

I like the repetition and rhyming. Repeating gives power to the word repeated, and rhyming makes it "catchy".

Though, I think I would limit myself from capitalizing every first letter and adding all the periods after each line. It's both "annoying" (makes it harder to read and keep focus) and I feel somewhat lost when I get to the end of each sentence. How long should I take a break? Should I take a break?

Laying dreaming about

What we could be,
would be,
and should be

But waking up to reality
of what we won’t be,
can’t be,
and never will be

I’d rather dream
but then
I’d rather be awake,
and know that it will never be
then waking up every morning to this reality

from a wonderful dream i agree with nikkey and chompy, great suggestion for alternative poem btw. i also like the rhyming and repetition and think there's plenty of direction where tania can improve. as opposed to intractably flawed and cannot be redeemed, which some people seem to think they can simply declare on other people's work these days.

in the meantime southperry's greater powers think a writing board is inappropriate, so i guess we normal users do our non-moderator best to supplement the purpose of a writing board through other means

would take the chance to encourage anyone who wants to post writing to do so where they feel is appropriate

[FlashByMe]

thank you every1 :]

[chrome]

Don't overuse ellipses.

[FlashByMe]

ellipses?

[♥Ji]

i believe he is referring to "..." (the dot dot dot), which is called an ellipsis, and it means "something is left out here." the plural form of this is "ellipses" (e-lip-seez).

for example, you might choose to use a comma "," or fullstop/period "." instead of the ellipsis at the ends of your lines, those two are the most common line endings.

i think that's what he meant!

[FlashByMe]

ahh thank you :]

i dono haha i do "..."

to like an affect ish of how i felt... i dono how to explain haha :P