The Painter Of Dreams

[Taiwan]

So Mute has recommended me that I should post a piece of my poetry here, so I shall do that.

Keep in mind that I'm a beginner, but I'm trying to become better by experimenting with different types of symbols and imagery.

So here is one of my works (which would probably be my favorite one). Any comments and criticism or anything that could help me get better would be greatly appreciated! (P.S. I like to keep my poems short like the following).


In darkness, only true eyes can see,
A glitter of hope, the keeper of seas,
In order to stop, this horrible ordeal,
We must travel broadly to make a deal,

With the painter of hopes, the creator of dreams,
It can turn from dust, the essence we need,
The most beautiful thing, we have ever seen,
To best even true despair's brilliant queen,

So crawl towards me and take my hand,
We will soon journey together across this land,
The sword has long dissolved into sand,
And without fear, we will make a stand.

[chrome]

i think i can see where you're going with your wording, but your metaphors and imagery, since they seem to be your most prominent tools, don't really paint a consistent picture. i mean it's fine for poems to be all over the place, but they're usually characterized as being so, as in it's an inherent and implicit quailty of the writing. this poem on the other hand tries to flow, but since your imagery is vague and kind of spastic it's hard to piece it together.

also, you don't necessarily need commas to indicate rhythm. this is a good start for a beginner, though.

[Taiwan]

i think i can see where you're going with your wording, but your metaphors and imagery, since they seem to be your most prominent tools, don't really paint a consistent picture. i mean it's fine for poems to be all over the place, but they're usually characterized as being so, as in it's an inherent and implicit quailty of the writing. this poem on the other hand tries to flow, but since your imagery is vague and kind of spastic it's hard to piece it together.

also, you don't necessarily need commas to indicate rhythm. this is a good start for a beginner, though.

I'm going to be honest, I was just rhyming random things and trying to get lucky on this one. My mind wasn't in a very good spot because I was dealing with a break up at the time. However, for my next poems, I'll make sure to remember what you said and work on my imagery some more. :P

[Pikamemnon]

Poetry is not really one of my things but yours seems to be fine. The 1st image that I think of here would be something to do with the Alamo or a similar last stand.

One thing though, what is the deal with that queen of despair? That sounds scary..