Here Mute, make sure you swallow it all.

[octopusprime]

Sorry guys, had to blank this.

[Mute]

http://cache2.allpostersimages.com/p/LRG/26/2686/IGWUD00Z/posters/bailey-joseph-h-male-african-lion-with-its-mouth-wide-open.jpg

Kinda sad..

[octopusprime]

general statement

is general.

give me something to work with here. i'm trying to revive a section by sparking a rivalry and you posted a fucking lion.

You didn't even tell anyone to get in a car.

[Felicitates]

Gwen is the worst person to receive responses from.

My personal opinion: I really like this poem, I feel like its full of meaning. Lots of thought went into it, atleast I'd like to think so. Though your first line feels like it doesn't fit the rest of it at all.

[octopusprime]

It was actually autumn when it was written. it's just the spark for the inspiration is all. the poem after it was very natural so removing it just didn't seem right. still doesn't in hindsight. I also think it helps the overall vocal tone which is how most of my writing is intended to be read, being verse.

and i expected as much from mute on the feedback, but i'd already made up my mind about trying anyway. i haven't given up either. i've hardly begun, really.

[Felicitates]

I can see now where you drew your inspiration from, because when I first read it I kind of pictured in my mind that cool autumn breeze with leaves flowing. It's a very eerie, quiet, and empty feeling. Is that what you were trying to portray?

[octopusprime]

yeah. it's about someone living a hollow or stagnant existence.

[Felicitates]

COOL.
/obligatory general statement

[octopusprime]

it'll do. i'll just press on pretending i have a fan girl instead of a rival.

*shakes fist*

[Felicitates]

):

[Mute]

is general.

give me something to work with here. i'm trying to revive a section by sparking a rivalry and you posted a pineappleing lion.

You didn't even tell anyone to get in a car.

I wrote that about 10 minutes before going to bed. =|

My interpretation of it was this:

Autumn brings a change of scene,
Several things but for this the picture I see is a boy going to school and seeing new faces in his class. maybe going to a new school.

I see skeletons where once stood trees
The boy expects to see familiar people, but instead only sees hollow lies, like he was betrayed by something, or someone; or alternatively one of his classmates desks is empty, perhaps he died over the summer?

When i turn to you i see the same old thing.
He's remembering things he enjoyed in his past from that seat, and reliving the moments he's lost forever, trying to get closer to closure.

You're just doing what you always do.
This cemented that him and a friend were supposed to move to a new school but the friend died during the summer for me. The friend was just being himself, doing his normal zany antics, when he died somehow.

What good is change without out motion?
He realizes that he cannot let the past hold him back, and takes a metaphorical step forward.


It's only getting you where it always has,
His friend lived to the fullest, so now he's going to try and live to the fullest as well.

You're never quite the same but you're still right there.
The memories will be carried on by him til he dies.



There. Like I said, kinda sad. Doesn't mean not good, but when I read things like poetry that's not fully present, I make a scene for it. That was the scene I saw, and it was pretty sad. Had a good ending, though.

[Felicitates]

^ *applauds* Although if you were about to go to bed you shouldn't posted at all? Or atleast let octo know you'll post something in the morning?

[octopusprime]

Interesting analysis. A lot of people are too timid to see things as so specific and just go with it. Nice to see someone who isn't.

I want to see some more art in this section. I'll go evens with you. Even write new stuff if it is needed.

[Mute]

^ *applauds* Although if you were about to go to bed you shouldn't posted at all? Or atleast let octo know you'll post something in the morning?

Well, he did say "make sure I swallow it all," so I had made sure he knew my mouth was wide open, waiting to accept.


Interesting analysis. A lot of people are too timid to see things as so specific and just go with it. Nice to see someone who isn't.

I want to see some more art in this section. I'll go evens with you. Even write new stuff if it is needed.

I was told at a young age to "paint a picture with words" when it came to writing. I still carry that lesson and when I read something, I read it once, get a feel for it, then read it over again and set the scene in motion with that.
Though, I've (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=16537) got (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=38325) a (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=34418) back (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=28870) catalog (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=27914) already here.

[(*-`ω´- )人]

Sexual thread.

[Sarah]

Is "without out" intentional?

[octopusprime]

I was told at a young age to "paint a picture with words" when it came to writing. I still carry that lesson and when I read something, I read it once, get a feel for it, then read it over again and set the scene in motion with that.
Though, I've (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=16537) got (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=38325) a (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=34418) back (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=28870) catalog (http://www.southperry.net/showthread.php?t=27914) already here.

I did say "more" but if you want me to catch up before you do anything new i suppose that is fair...
matching stories for stories will be a fair amount of work for me, but i'll do it if it is your condition.


Is "without out" intentional?

No. Annnnnnd fixed.

[Mute]

I did say "more" but if you want me to catch up before you do anything new i suppose that is fair...

Nah, just more exposure to sh'it I've put up that either was never finished, scrapped, or forgotten.
Plus I need something to do to kill time when I'm not doing other things.


Though I'll say this puts us one-off from being even. =P

[Felicitates]

I DEMAND A POETRY-OFF
kinda like .. a rap war thingy... BUT WITH POETRY

[octopusprime]

Nah, just more exposure to sh'it I've put up that either was never finished, scrapped, or forgotten.
Plus I need something to do to kill time when I'm not doing other things.


Though I'll say this puts us one-off from being even. =P

ive read quite a bit of the stuff you linked to.


I DEMAND A POETRY-OFF
kinda like .. a rap war thingy... BUT WITH POETRY

The closest thing to that is slam poetry hahaha.

[Mute]

I DEMAND A POETRY-OFF
kinda like .. a rap war thingy... BUT WITH POETRY

No.
Go away.